


Rate My Persona

by xenosaurus



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: M/M, Nonsense, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 11:50:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11485809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenosaurus/pseuds/xenosaurus
Summary: Akira has a lot of Personas.  Ryuji likes some more than others.





	Rate My Persona

**FOOL:** _Arsene_

Ryuji feels an incredible urge to run. It's like the panicked energy in his chest is screaming.

What the hell just came out of the new kid. How did he produce a demon out of thin air like that. What the fuck is happening right now.

He makes eye contact with the guy who just _saved him from monsters_ by _summoning more monsters_.

Akira looks freaked.

Ryuji gives him his best reassuring smile, then goes back to panicking.

 

**MAGICIAN:** _Jack Frost_

"Dude, we need to talk about your new Persona."

Akira frowns, just slightly, and tilts his head. He raises his hand to his hair, his usual nervous tic.

"I have totally seen that little snowman thing on TV before, dude. Isn't he like. The mascot of something?"

Akira's frown turns into a smile turns into a short laugh.

"I suppose that's one more thing we stole. A copyrighted character."

 

**PRIESTESS:** _Silky_

"So, I googled the names of some of my Personas last night."

Ryuji looks up from his ramen. Akira's glasses are fogged over from the steam, which is pretty funny.

"Silky cleans houses. Morgana keeps making comments about learning to summon her in my bedroom."

Ryuji nearly chokes laughing.

 

**EMPRESS:** _Queen's Necklace_

The treasure shadows are confusing. The fact that Akira can steal shadows and turn them into Personas is confusing. The fact that this one particular Persona can't be used in battle is _baffling_.

"What's the point if you can't kill things with it?"

Akira shrugs.

"Fusion?"

Ryuji has no idea what that means. It might be a Dragonball joke.

 

**EMPEROR:** _King Frost_

"That's just Jack Frost again!"

"He's the _king_ , Ryuji. Don't speak that way about royalty."

 

**HIEROPHANT:** _Unicorn_

Akira's new Persona is a goddamn unicorn. A facet of Ryuji's best friend's soul is a literal mythical creature.

He buys Akira a little plastic unicorn as a joke, but the next time he visits Leblanc, it's out on display.

It... makes Ryuji happier than he'd like to admit, seeing it there.

 

**LOVERS:** _Parvati_

Usually, Akira can heal. Recently, though, there's been a stretch where none of his Personas know dia skills, and it has been fucking them over.

Needless to say, when Ryuji is covering a broken nose with his hands and swearing like a sailor, he very much appreciates Akira's newest addition to the arsenal.

(Later, Akira traces the bones and cartilage of Ryuji's nose and cheekbones with his fingers, checking for damage. Ryuji's throat has never felt drier.)

 

**CHARIOT:** _Slime_

"Dude, what the fuck."

"Shut up, it's _your_ arcana."

 

**JUSTICE:** _Angel_

"What part of your personality is the chick in bondage gear supposed to represent?"

Akira groans and hits Ryuji with a pillow.

"I'm not even into bondage," He protests, sounding grumpy.

"Yeah? What are you into, then?"

The following conversation _definitely_ doesn't give Ryuji a boner. Absolutely not.

 

**HERMIT:** _Kumbhanda_

Akira has a lot of bizarre, horrific creatures in his arsenal of Personas. He manages to take most of them in stride.

The screechy, skeletal horseman with a hole where his dick should be?

Even Akira seems pretty freaked out by this one. Ryuji decides against commenting on it.

 

**FORTUNE:** _Fortuna_

"Is it weird that _this_ is the one that I'm getting a body horror reaction to?"

Akira sighs and dismisses the specter of his newest Persona.

"What are you talking about?"

"She has a wheel for a stomach! Are the top and bottom parts closed with clothes or skin? Is she just cut in half there--"

"Okay, point taken."

 

**STRENGTH:** _Siegfried_

"So, Ryuji, I have a confession to make."

"Yeah?"

"I think Siegfried is kinda hot."

Ryuji stops running his hands through Akira's hair.

" _Dude._ "

 

**HANGED MAN:** _Moloch_

"I'm pretty sure that was the thing that lived under my bed as a kid."

"Well, that's fitting, because I'm the thing that lives _in_ your bed now."

"That doesn't even make sense, dude. You just wanted to hit on me."

 

**DEATH:** _Alice_

"Holy shit!"

"Ryuji--"

"Dude! Dude, you just summoned a little girl and she INSTA-KILLED EVERYTHING."

"Ryuji--"

"No, I'm not calming down about this, that's either the raddest or the scariest thing I've ever seen and I can't figure out which!"

 

**TEMPERANCE:** _Byakko_

Akira summons a tiger. Like, a magic tiger, but still, just a tiger.

Ryuji isn't sure when his life turned into the _best music video ever_ , but he'll take it.

 

**DEVIL:** _Pazuzu_

"It has pubes."

"We're not talking about this."

"Akira, _pubes_."

 

**TOWER:** _Mara_

The battle ends and there is _absolute silence_.

Akira is panting, crouched down on the floor. As his boyfriend, Ryuji gets the privilege of being the one to kneel beside him and try to figure out what the _fuck_ that just was.

"Hey--"

"Not now."

"You okay?"

"Why did summoning that disgusting thing make me horny," Akira mutters under his breath, so that only Ryuji can hear.

He shouldn't laugh, but he does. Their lives are ridiculous.

 

**STAR:** _Neko Shogun_

"Look, we found Morgana's brother!"

"If he hears you say that, he _will_ claw your eyes out, and you'll deserve it."

"Hey!"

 

**MOON:** _Black Ooze_

Ryuji doesn't throw up. This is an accomplishment, even though it really shouldn't be.

"How did you find a version of Slime that smells even _worse_?!"

 

**SUN:** _Quetzalcoatl_

Honestly, Ryuji thinks that a snake with wings makes more sense than a regular snake. Flying seems like a much more effective strategy of getting around than wiggling.

"This is starting to sound like a conspiracy theory about secret dragons."

"Dude, shut up."

 

**JUDGEMENT:** _Satan_

"Satan. Your new Persona is _Satan_."

"Look, I can explain--"

"This is the coolest thing _ever_."

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is @[xenosaurus](http://xenosaurus.tumblr.com)


End file.
